Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Don't Point Out Your Flaws

Have you ever noticed something suddenly after not noticing it for ages?  It could have been weeks or months or years. Suddenly someone points it out and you can't imagine how you missed it?  Maybe you can not stop noticing it now.

Or maybe you have a significant other that just does not seem to notice those dirty dishes or socks until you point them out?   The human brain is inundated with a lot of information every second and is constantly picking and choosing what to acknowledge.  Calling attention to the item makes the brain stop and pay attention to that item.  So why call attention to your flaws?

Maybe you think your belly is too fat or your legs too short. Maybe you have a crooked tooth or an odd laugh. It may bother you terribly.  Does that mean it bothers others or that they have even noticed it?  No it does not.

Do not tell your significant other that an outfit makes you look fat. To them, you probably look adorable. After all they are with you aren't they?    So stop trying to reinforce the idea that you are fat or your tooth is crooked.  If they have noticed, they either do not care or find it cute.  Why go to so much trouble to convince them otherwise?  If you succeed, you will just make everyone unhappy.  

I'm not saying you can never talk about your flaws. Acknowledging them to your self is a good way to work on fixing them. But endlessly talking about them to your significant other is just trying to convince them to agree with you and why would you want that? Or maybe you just want them to keep saying no, its not true. That just sounds tiring for everyone. Plus at some point they do not disagree fast enough and now your feelings are needlessly hurt and the two of you are fighting.

Talk to your family. Talk to your friends. Do not go pointing out your flaws to your lover. There is nothing sexy about talking about being too fat or funny looking. Insecurity is the enemy of confidence and confidence is always sexier. Besides, once you point it out, they may not be able to stop noticing it.

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